OMG, WE BE EIGHT MONTHS!!

You probably already know how this post is going to start out but I'm going to say it anyway...

I am in complete shock that the boys are 8 months old. TIME IS GOING TOO FAST!!! I know, how cliche, bla bla bla. Whatever, it's true and I hate it. The good news is that this age is so much fun. They boys get more entertaining everyday and they are really fun to pick on.

Oliver Fat and Lazy Frank:
He's, well, fat and lazy. He eats, poops, sits, and sometimes he rolls over...If he feels like, which is never. He gets really mad when he can't get to a toy and instead of reaching for it he will just be like, "Screw it, that toy sucks, I'll play with this rag instead...because it's close." The strangest thing has happened to him recently, though. My last journal I labeled him as "the chucky child" because he was pure evil, but all of the sudden he's the happiest, sweetest little chunk. I have no idea what changed but he is super fun all the time now. He doesn't have one of those cute normal baby laughs but squeals and sucks in air instead. If you make a donkey noise which I hope you do...right now...that's what he sounds like when he laughs...without the "haw" part of the donkey impression you just made. And it's really high pitched like a girl.

 Oh, Hey, Look at me...laying here doing nothing.

Because I'm lazy.

Can I have a little credit for holding my own bottle at least?

Elliot Go Getter Frank:
He's over-motivated. He for real crawled on September 13 and then two days later on the 15th he started pulling up and standing. On Sept 23 (10 days later) he let go and stood by himself. Ridiculous! I feel like a really bad mom right now because as I was looking through my phone for pictures to post here, I found one Oliver picture (above) and about 25 Elliot ones. Elliot is just always doing something! The downside to Elliot is that he has become the crankiest boy in the world. He cries about E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G! He's in his highchair...waaa. He's in the bath...waaa. His brother touched him...waaa. Diaper change, getting dressed, his foot is stuck in his pajamas, waa waa waa. Apparently I come across as a loving, nurturing person because he is always crying "momma" and expecting me to come rescue him.

Sorry this video is cut off at the end.

I fell face first and cried and that's embarrasing.

 

 

Peace Out.

A *Maybe* Video!

My little Honey Badger Elliot has recently shown signs that he is in fact a genius. He stared at a picture of a penguin for like 5 minutes last night and then...wait for it...waaaait for it...he (kinda sorta not really) CRAWLED! I am going to attempt a video here which I've never done before so hang with me:

HOORAY!!! I did it.

As you can tell, he was pissed that I was making him show off his non-crawling skills, but whatever, I'm his mom and he does what I say.

Crying is for babies and moms of 6 month olds

My boys are almost 6 months old, people. 6 MONTHS! It's stupid and I would like it to quit. Remember when Oliver was 5.2 pounds and was still swimming in preemie clothes? I do. I remember. And now he's 18 pounds and has the fattest cheeks that squish his eyes closed when he smiles. I'm boycotting these growing shenanigans!

I haven't posted about them in a while because really nothing has changed besides the squishiness of their thighs and cheeks. Nobody is sitting up yet. No teeth. No brilliant mathematical formulas being solved. Elliot is a rolling machine and has made it his goal to be on his stomach at all times. He even tries to roll onto his stomach while he is sitting in a Bumbo...which is awkward and doesn't work so he gets mad and screams because his leg is all twisted under him. I call him a dingleberry during these episodes. This is pretty much the only time the kid cries, though. Also when his brother sucker punches him in the face or pulls his hair. Which based on the fact that Oliver is a conspiring little evil Chuckie child, I'm pretty sure he does it on purpose just to see Elliot scream. Oh come on, I kid. Oliver is a sweetie in his own way. Although he's a holy terror most of the time, he makes up for it by nuzzling his face into my neck when he's sleepy and loves being snuggled. He will allow me to burrow my nose into his neck and kiss all over his cheeks and doesn't make a peep about it.

They are pretty freaking cute and awesome. Which isn't surprising...HELLO! Look at their parents. Oliver is just like momma with the OMG crazy emotions and we are 99% sure he has tourettes. He seriously goes from a squeeling happy little ball of fat to a blood curdling screaming infant in about 2 seconds. Elliot is just like daddy with the lack of emotional involvement in anything. He is Honey Badger...he just don't give a shit. (If you don't get that reference, please to go to YouTube and watch "The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger"). You'll thank me later I'm sure. I don't mean "lack of emotional involvement" in a bad way. He is just so chill and relaxed like daddy it's hard to get either one of them worked up about anything. I have to drag my husbands feelings out of him kicking and screaming, and I think Elliot will be the same way.


PICTURE TIME!

Oliver - "Peaceful"

PFT!!! HAHAHAHAH! That's priceless. We chose a name with the meaning of 'peaceful' for the most ridiculously pshycho kid! Giggles.

Elliot AKA Honey Badger

 

Natalie is a wanker

Out of the three people that read this blog, one of them is a pain in my ass and requests me to update the boys development far more than I want to. MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T MOVE ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON BETTER!!!

Take that.


Baby Things!

Oliver is snotty. Sometimes when he sneezes a big gooey booger shoots out of his nose. Example:

This is an internet baby. Not my baby. When a big gooey booger shoots out of my kids nose, I don't take time to snap a shot. I dry heave and then quickly remove it. 

Elliot smiles, like ALL the time. At anything. I like him, a lot, for this reason because no one else thinks I'm funny. So he makes me feel really good about myself.

You did not just say that! You are too funny, mom! I will vote for you as Funniest Girl in Class!

The boys are learning to sit up and although they get whip lash every once in a while they can pretty much hold their heads up, too.

Dude, did you just see them boobies?!

Oliver kinda sorta rolled over once but he was on the couch so I can't say for sure if it was just the angle he was at or if he actually rolled himself over. He boots-scoots-boogies his way around the crib, though, so I'm sure he's getting close to rolling all over the place.

And just for grins, here is a snuggle pants picture of me and my precious boys

Go ahead and say it..."Awwwww"

Oh, um, hey blog. No I didn't forget you. Yes, I still love you.

So I may or may not be REALLY FAR BEHIND on blogging baby things. Ok, fine, I'm really far behind. To do a quick recap since my last post (yes, the one from November):1. I continued to be pregnant for 7 more weeks.
2. I delivered two beautiful healthy baby boys via c-section on January 20. It turned out that Baby B was not a frog.
3. We named them Oliver and Elliot.

Since I started this blog to not only keep track of my infertility journey but also to keep track of my growing children, I guess I should seriously start keeping track of my growing children.

Elliot Ray - "Baby A" - 5 lbs 9 oz at birth:
He is super fly chill guy. I'm 99% positive he's a pothead because he's so chill. He eats ah-mah-gawd slow, rarely cries, loves to listen to you talk, and pretty much just hangs out nice and relaxed. He is going to be our studious little professor with good grades and will probably work for NASA.

Oliver Oden - "Baby B" - 5 lbs 3 oz at birth:

He is OMG DRAMA! Everything with him is over-the-top. He cries loud, eats fast, breathes hard, kicks like crazy, and refuses to take any comfort from anyone. It's his party and he's gunna cry if he wants to! He was an animal in the womb and didn't come out any different! He's going to be our hellion who will be Evel Knievel-ing his motorcycle all over town. School? PFTH! Yeah right. We'll at least attempt to get him in NASCAR. As long as he's rich like his NASA brother and can buy us Mercedes, we are happy.



Jeepers, aren't they sweet? They really are great babies and life has been much easier than I ever anticipated with twins. I will attempt my hardest attempt to keep up with their development here. Right now they are just doing baby things but once they start doing back flips and techno dancing, I will post things.

OKBYE!

Babies, Nursery, and 30 Weeks...OH MY!

OH-MAH-GAWD I'm so far behind! I keep telling myself I need to post something but then I remember tthat there are only 3 people who read this blog and they already know everything but then I remind myself again that I truly started this blog to journal my journey. So here I go on a journaling rampage:

I'm 30 weeks. This is a huge deal to me. I feel like Captain Baby-Mamma America with my ass kicking uterine abilities. I can seriously grow some kids! Everything is going extremely well...which I know could change in an instant, so I'm cherishing this lovely time.

Nov 24: This is one way to hide an entire turkey

Besides the tiny evil elves that dwell in my back and like to stab me with sharp objects, I'm having little to complain about. Sure, I'm exhausted and toting around 32 pounds in my mid section is hard, but it's not something I feel like I have the right to moan about. I wanted this, asked for this, paid for this...there is no room for complaint here!

Oh, the babies, you ask? Well they are pretty awesome if I do say so myself. Weighing in at impressive 3 pounds, they enjoy pounding on my bladder, punching each other in the jaw, and tickling my digestive tract. Giggles.

Baby A: He's got moves like Jagger.

Baby B: Still possibly a frog

We are serioulsy ready for these pups. The nursery is done, the clothes are washed, and the swings are batteried. I will ask nicely that they remain situated for a few more weeks, but when they are ready, at least we know they will be ok!

The moose was a requirement from The Dude

And one more picture for giggles sakes:

KANKLES!!!



My babies are bananas: B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Week: 20 -- We're halfway there!

Babies: 10 Inches = Bananas!









Weight Gain: 15 pounds

Daily Caloric Intake: 2,000+

Daily Fluid Intake: 64+ ounces

Tummy: 36 Inches

Stretch Marks: None

Cravings: Sweets, like I will stab you in the eye if you have chocolate and don't share with me.

My non-attempt to stop the "advice" and comments

So now that I'm "Facebook Official" pregnant, everyone and their mothers decide to give me advice and/or comment on their unsureness of me carrying two children. Literally, some peoples mothers have commented on my Facebook. Here are some examples:


"I had a c-section and it was the best decision ever! You should tell your doctor that you want to have a c-section too!"

"I just don't see how you will hold two babies for much longer!"

"I know a friend of a friend of a friend who had twins and they did things this way or that way so you should do those things too because they are obviously right"


Why can't I just be socially inept and answer how ever the hell I want without consideration for other peoples feelings? But noooo, I have to be the nice person in the situation and say something witty and cute back instead of what I'm really thinking of, "EFF YOU!".

So instead of making myself out to be the asshole in real life, I've decided to move to this blog to throw out my real answers to these numbskulls:

Quasimodo: "I had a c-section and it was the best decision ever! You should tell your doctor that you want to have a c-section too!"
Me: "Besides your complete lack of privacy and social interaction skills, I have a lot of reasons I don't want to respond to you. First off, my birth decisions will not be made off the recommendations of another human. IF my doctor suggests a c-section AT THE TIME OF BIRTH, then I will, of course, opt-in for that. IF my doctor is comfortable with attempting a regular groan-and-push-then scream and push again delivery, then that will be my method of choice. Why would I choose to have a hole the size of the Mercury Way sliced into my abdomen and have my body parts laid on my stomach so they could rip my two cantalope sized babies out of me? Second off, well, there is no second off besides WTF would you think that's your business!?"

Rainman: "I just don't see how you will hold two babies for much longer!"
Me: "Well obviously you are completely uneducated on a womans body. And considering you are a woman, I find that sad and unacceptable. My uterus is no bigger or smaller than yours. Just because you or other women you know have a layer of fat in front of your uterus does not make you any more able to carry a child. My body will cope just fine and EXACTLY the same as every other pregnant womans body does. Dumbass.

Dopey: "I know a friend of a friend of a friend who had twins and they did things this way or that way so you should do those things too because they are obviously right"
Me: "That's such a great idea! I will treat my children exactly the same as your friends friends friend did and I bet my babies will love it soooo much! Maybe your friends friends friend should just videotape their lives so I can watch their every move and do whatever they do. Oh, you're right! I should buy all the products they did and use them even if they give my children hives because it worked for your friends friends friends kid so why wouldn't it work for mine!? THANK YOU FOR THIS LIFE SAVING ADVICE!!!" And then I would say, "Oh didn't I tell you it was hilarious sarcasm day?". And then I would probably finish off by saying, "Asshole".

See, I feel all better now. Sometimes I might find myself saying something to someones face that they will consider rude but I can just smile and move on knowing I can always use the, "I'm sorry, I'm just so cranky and emotional" excuse if there's ever a problem. Being pregnant seriously has it's benefits.

Big Adventures at 17 weeks

No worries, the ultrasound tech came out of our appointment un-scathed. Although they did make me wait FAR too long to hear the genders, we finally got the joyful news of, "They're both boys!". It was like angels singing in my ears. TWO BOYS!!!! That's what we were both hoping for and dreaming of....until I spent the weekend with my pigtailed, painted toed two year old neice. I won't get to fix anybody's hair or paint anybody's toes. Or pick out frilly cute dresses and shoes. *Sigh*
But seriously, I have two healthy growing boys and the word HEALTHY is all I really care about.

GASP! Oh yeah...I felt them move this weekend for the first time! I've been feeling flutters for a couple weeks now but this weekend it was an actual thump which I felt on the outside with my hand.

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

Who's the big fattie? I'M THE BIG FATTIE!!!

I am so proud of my ginormous bulging tummy!

I look at it, rub it, hold it, and pat it pretty much all hours of every day. I have never felt so beautiful in all my life! I know that sounds silly, but I have waited oh-mah-god so long for this so you can't blame me, right? The dude loves the belly too. He likes to examine it and makes me stand with my shirt up while cooking dinner or watching tv. So sweet, eh? I like him.

I have an appointment in two days to hopefully* find out the sexes. I am so flipping excited I can barely stand it. My entire work days are filled with baby thoughts. I might as well give up at life until Friday because I cannot cope with anything else right now.

*The word "Hopefully" in this sentance was used with the following definition: If the eff-ing ultrasound techs try to tell me they can't see the genitals of the babies, I will take the wand and shove it up their ass and tell them the gender of their intestines.

Funny tidbit: My boss has started calling them Mutt and Jeff. If it's two boys, that just might stick.

SECOND TRIMESTER!! Holy sh*t!

It's true. This is no joke. I am in the second trimester. It has never occured to me that this moment would actually happen. I mean, obviously I've known I was pregnant for the last 9 weeks, but I never allowed myself to imagine I would get to this point.

Both my babies are kicking ass and taking names and they don't appear to be the kind of fetuses that end their mission prematurely. They are both measuring a few days ahead and growing like steroid junkies. They have very different personalites already, although I don't know if it will stick. They've still got a lot of time to adjust their attitudes before mom has to do it for them.

BABY A: She's either lazy or extremely chill
   So I'm calling Baby A a girl right now. Don't get excited, we don't know yet. She's very laid back and actually allows the ultrasound tech to study her and hear her heartbeat.

BABY B: He's a circus monkey
   You get the picture: "she" and "he" are obviously what I'm hoping for. This little guy was extremely opposite of his sister. He was flailing his limbs and bopping his head around. He refused to participate in the ultrasound and made it impossible for anyone to hear his heart. Such a rotten little boy, right? We had a serious discussion afterwards about his attitude and cooperation during these appointments. We've got another ultrasound at 17 weeks and I swear he is going to cooperate so I can find out their sexes on that day or else he will be on dog poop duty from the day he is birthed. He pretended to care, but I don't feel like he was genuine at all.

Welp, there you go. An exciting update. Go ahead and send me gifts for making it to the phantom Second Trimester.

My Wee Babes Look Like Real Babes!

It's official...I am no longer carrying alien amphibian fetuses. THEY ARE REAL BABIES NOW!

[Insert cheers and applause here]

I am 9 weeks and the babies have officially graduated to fetuses. Last week they were merely embryos. *Sigh* They are growing up so fast.

Check out the change for yourself:

                    

They totally look like babies now, right?



9 weeks has been treating me good. I've felt much better the last few days and haven't had to take a nap in my car during work hours all week! That feels like a huge accomplishment. I've got to wait four, YES 4!, weeks for my next appointment which is crazy compared to the weekly pampering I've been receiving lately. The good thing I have to report is that I will most likely be getting an ultrasound at every visit. Most ladies only get two their entire pregnancy so I feel spoiled! My clinic doesn't do sex scans until 20 weeks and that feels like a millennium away...but don't worry, there will be some complaining and begging on my part to try and bump that a few weeks. I'm thinking 17 weeks would be acceptable.

Baby Pictures, get used to em'!

Ultrasound numero dos was on June 28. Both babes are looking great with strong heartbeats. I was considered 7 weeks 5 days and Baby A measured exactly that. Baby B measured 7w6d. These two are growing like wildfire, I tell you!

Two little monkeys jumping on the bed...er, in mommies uterus

Yes, that's right folks: TWO! Yesterday (June 20) was our first ultrasound at 6 weeks 5 days. It was beautiful and breathtaking seeing two little tiny persons with two big huge heartbeats. Baby A is buried in farther back so we couldn't hear it's heartbeat, but we say it pumping away like mad. Baby B's heart was heard loud and clear! Victor and I just sat there in awe for most of the time, not really saying anything. At the end, the Doctor says, "So, um, are you going to celebrate now?". We both just sat there staring at our perfect little ultrasound picture and said, "Er, maybe". IT'S STILL SCARY, MR. DOC, LEAVE US BE!

Our due date is February 8 but no one expects me to make it that far. The Doctor told us to expect anytime around Christmas. Normal twin gestational period is 35 weeks instead of the normal 40 for a singleton. I'm going to do whatever I can to keep these munchkins in for as long as possible. If I have to lay in bed and pee in a pan for 6 months, I'll do it! There is nothing more important than the health of these two and I will make every sacrifice known to man to assure their safety.

Check out my babes, yo's:

I'm not going back, DAMNIT!

I'm pregnant and that's it. I'm not going back to that non-pregnant stuff from before. I have been begging God, the Universe, whoever will listen, to PLEASE let this/these embryo(s) grow and be safe and healthy. Hell, I'll even take semi healthy. What, you want me to spend some time in the NICU with a baby who can't breathe on it's own? I'LL TAKE IT! But I am not loosing this pregnancy. Not. Not. Not.

HEY! Let's talk about pregnancy things. FUN! So I'm 5 weeks pregnant. 5 WEEKS!!! Holy hell that is so exciting. I have to wait two whole weeks to hear a heartbeat and/or see the filled-with-baby sac. That seems like such a long wait and I am constantly thinking about how far away it is. During my two week wait I plan to rub my tummy and smile constantly.

Speaking of tummy, mine is huge. I'm bloated like you would not believe. What, don't believe me? Here's proof:

*Sorry about the picture quality but taking a picture of your own tummy is a difficult angle.

But seriously, are you freaking kidding me? I am 5 weeks pregnant and can't fit in ANYTHING. I feel like I could easily explode at any moment. I just read today that I should avoid salty foods...Done. Don't get me wrong, I love this early showing, but I'm not ready for random people to know yet. This belly makes that slightly difficult. People definitly have noticed my "weight gain". A friend at work who knows what we are going through told me I was fat yesterday...in a joking manner obvioulsy. But he definitely noticed that bulge I've got going on, which means others have noticed it too.

But serioulsy...I'M PREGNANT FOR REAL!!!!

Tickle me Zelda

The Universe loves to tickle me with coincidences

Highway Billboards

While driving the three hours to my appointment in Kansas City today, I passed by a
billboard that looked something like this:

It got me thinking, I've been considering stealing a child in the grocery store...GASP! Maybe I should create a billboard for the highway! YES!

Why haven't I thought of this before? I could get all kinds of babies! RAH HA HAH!

These...are the days of our lives

The emotional rollercoaster of infertility is
inexplainable. Pregnancy hormones last 40 weeks
whereas the hormones of infertility last for years.

The diaper aisle of the grocery store turns you
into a whimpering woman with a cart full of bananas
and milk.

Seeing your embryos on a tv screen before transfer
puts a joy so great in the deepest valleys of your
heart that you fear it will spill out onto the table
into your Doctors hands.

Being around fertiles and their beautiful offspring
offers pain so unbearable you consider stealing
their infant and heading for the border.

If you're feeling confused by what I mean, I've made some illustrations of the most common infertility emotions:

Hysteria:

Happiness/Optimism:

 Sadness/Pain (for me, the most commonly felt):

Fed Up:

Exhausted: 

Absolutely Pissed: 



I said it was inexplainable, but I never said it

was non-illustratable! 

Charlie Sheen helped me move on from my miscarriage

Miscarrying my 5 week old embryo was terrifying and miserable. I am a lucky girl, though, as I have a super supportive husband, mother and sister who will let me say the most disgusting things and not even flinch. I also have a sister-in-law who has unfortunaley been through the devastation and was able to lend some words of advice.  I finally got through the process and, although I will never forget my little munchkin that I lost, I am ready to start anew.

As most of us infertile women have done, I went to the internet determined to find good news about this whole thing. I Googled, “How long after a miscarriage to get pregnant again” and I made myself much happier when I found sources that claim since my body already has all the pregnancy hormones, it should be fairly simple to get pregnant again. Thank you internet! That’s what I wanted to hear!

I then found a site about trolls and got distracted: http://www.trolls.com/

DAMNIT CHARLIE SHEEN! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU HAVE CAUSED? Now I'm obsessed with Trolls and Warlocks. Actually, I should thank him for giving me something to obsess over rather than babies, babies, babies.

Pain

We found out yesterday that my pregnancy isn't viable. I handled the news by dramatically sliding down the wall of a public bathroom followed by complete hysteria while curled in a tiny ball on the disgusting bathroom floor. After I pulled myself together enough to make it to my office, I gathered my things and went home to spend the rest of the day in a tiny ball on my couch. There are so many words I could use to describe my feelings but the first that come to mind are pissed, emtpy, and emotionally drained. Do I want to do this again? I don't know if I can handle this process over and over again.


They tell me to expect a miscarriage soon. How exactly am I supposed to "expect" a miscarriage? I know a miscarriage is not my fault and there's nothing I did to cause it but I still can't help being angry with my body for letting these perfect embryos go to waste. My lining was prime, the embryos were perfect and they stuck. How could all that change withing a matter of days? My babies had spines and their organs were developing. I should of heard their heartbeats next week.


I tried to think of something positive to say to end this but that's just not working out for me right now. Hopefully positive will come sooner than later.