Charlie Sheen helped me move on from my miscarriage

Miscarrying my 5 week old embryo was terrifying and miserable. I am a lucky girl, though, as I have a super supportive husband, mother and sister who will let me say the most disgusting things and not even flinch. I also have a sister-in-law who has unfortunaley been through the devastation and was able to lend some words of advice.  I finally got through the process and, although I will never forget my little munchkin that I lost, I am ready to start anew.

As most of us infertile women have done, I went to the internet determined to find good news about this whole thing. I Googled, “How long after a miscarriage to get pregnant again” and I made myself much happier when I found sources that claim since my body already has all the pregnancy hormones, it should be fairly simple to get pregnant again. Thank you internet! That’s what I wanted to hear!

I then found a site about trolls and got distracted: http://www.trolls.com/

DAMNIT CHARLIE SHEEN! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU HAVE CAUSED? Now I'm obsessed with Trolls and Warlocks. Actually, I should thank him for giving me something to obsess over rather than babies, babies, babies.

Pain

We found out yesterday that my pregnancy isn't viable. I handled the news by dramatically sliding down the wall of a public bathroom followed by complete hysteria while curled in a tiny ball on the disgusting bathroom floor. After I pulled myself together enough to make it to my office, I gathered my things and went home to spend the rest of the day in a tiny ball on my couch. There are so many words I could use to describe my feelings but the first that come to mind are pissed, emtpy, and emotionally drained. Do I want to do this again? I don't know if I can handle this process over and over again.


They tell me to expect a miscarriage soon. How exactly am I supposed to "expect" a miscarriage? I know a miscarriage is not my fault and there's nothing I did to cause it but I still can't help being angry with my body for letting these perfect embryos go to waste. My lining was prime, the embryos were perfect and they stuck. How could all that change withing a matter of days? My babies had spines and their organs were developing. I should of heard their heartbeats next week.


I tried to think of something positive to say to end this but that's just not working out for me right now. Hopefully positive will come sooner than later.