We found out yesterday that my pregnancy isn't viable. I handled the news by dramatically sliding down the wall of a public bathroom followed by complete hysteria while curled in a tiny ball on the disgusting bathroom floor. After I pulled myself together enough to make it to my office, I gathered my things and went home to spend the rest of the day in a tiny ball on my couch. There are so many words I could use to describe my feelings but the first that come to mind are pissed, emtpy, and emotionally drained. Do I want to do this again? I don't know if I can handle this process over and over again.
They tell me to expect a miscarriage soon. How exactly am I supposed to "expect" a miscarriage? I know a miscarriage is not my fault and there's nothing I did to cause it but I still can't help being angry with my body for letting these perfect embryos go to waste. My lining was prime, the embryos were perfect and they stuck. How could all that change withing a matter of days? My babies had spines and their organs were developing. I should of heard their heartbeats next week.
I tried to think of something positive to say to end this but that's just not working out for me right now. Hopefully positive will come sooner than later.
I feel ya sister. I was about a week in front of you and had the exact same problem. Two "perfect embies" a primed just scraped and pretty uterus ready to go with a super thick lining of gorilla glue and standing on my head for days after the transfer. Got the BFP...hooray, only to get the "you'll miscarriage soon" at almost 6 weeks.
ReplyDeleteI was trying to look at the positive and say "hey at least I got pregnant so now i know I can do that" but deep down inside in places where no man roams, I was pissed at myself. Just one more example of how my body wants to let me down and betray me. Bastard body....