Operation Baby

This life process is a turd.  Everything  was supposed to go in coherent consecutive steps based on completely realistic expectations learned in childhood:

PHASE 1: Go to a prestigious college

PHASE 2: Meet handsome prince charming and ride off into sunset

PHASE 3: Become CEO of a major corporation at age 25 using the intellectual skills gained at my prestigious college

PHASE 4: Marry prince, buy a house in the Hamptons and a villa in Italy, purchase a certified pedigreed pooch

PHASE 5: Accidentally procreate from all the non-stop hot and sweaty fornication happening throughout the house

PHASE 6: Grow old in a castles (plural) with the prince.

If Barbie can do it, SO CAN I!

Ok, so here’s how it really happened:

PHASE 1: Went to an average college…errr…okay let’s be honest. I skipped most, if not all, of college

PHASE 2: I met my handsome dude and we galloped around towards the setting sun in a glorious haze of happiness. There may or may not have been alcohol involved in our glorious haze.

PHASE 3: I landed the highly regarded position of Office Manager using the intellectual skills gained by sleeping through most, if not all, of my college courses

PHASE 4: We married, we bought a cute house, and we adopted a mutt…best mutt ever if I do say so myself

PHASE 5: I’ll skip the stories of fornication. Obviously no wee babes were created.

PHASE 6: Men think about sex every 7 seconds, I think about babies every 3

PHASE 7: Pay some doctors $10,000 for a baby from a tube. Hooray!

Here’s where this blog comes in. Phase 7 of REAL life: IVF… In Vitro Fertilization, commonly known as test tube baby (my personal favorite if you haven’t figured that out by now). I’m not complaining though. The fact that medicine is so advanced that they can actually create a baby with our DNA outside of my body is incredible.  Frustrating that it has to come to that, but no point in wishing for the impossible.  Anyway, my point is that I am writing this blog to document our infertility treatment, which happens to be IVF at this point. I am also writing this because I want to document all this CRAP for my future self. Right now the idea of a screaming baby at 3 am is absolutely marvelous..I would do ANYTHING for a screaming baby…but I can only imagine that in real life that would not be marvelous. SO while my inconsolable infant in screaming at all hours of the night, I can refer back to this blog and say “Oh that’s right, I BEGGED for this!” Then my body will relax and produce magic milk and my wee babe will sleep all through the night. Also, once the fertility gods cast their divine seeds into my awaiting uterus, I will use this blog as documentation of all things pregnancy and, following that, all things baby.