Natalie is a wanker

Out of the three people that read this blog, one of them is a pain in my ass and requests me to update the boys development far more than I want to. MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T MOVE ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON BETTER!!!

Take that.


Baby Things!

Oliver is snotty. Sometimes when he sneezes a big gooey booger shoots out of his nose. Example:

This is an internet baby. Not my baby. When a big gooey booger shoots out of my kids nose, I don't take time to snap a shot. I dry heave and then quickly remove it. 

Elliot smiles, like ALL the time. At anything. I like him, a lot, for this reason because no one else thinks I'm funny. So he makes me feel really good about myself.

You did not just say that! You are too funny, mom! I will vote for you as Funniest Girl in Class!

The boys are learning to sit up and although they get whip lash every once in a while they can pretty much hold their heads up, too.

Dude, did you just see them boobies?!

Oliver kinda sorta rolled over once but he was on the couch so I can't say for sure if it was just the angle he was at or if he actually rolled himself over. He boots-scoots-boogies his way around the crib, though, so I'm sure he's getting close to rolling all over the place.

And just for grins, here is a snuggle pants picture of me and my precious boys

Go ahead and say it..."Awwwww"

Oh, um, hey blog. No I didn't forget you. Yes, I still love you.

So I may or may not be REALLY FAR BEHIND on blogging baby things. Ok, fine, I'm really far behind. To do a quick recap since my last post (yes, the one from November):1. I continued to be pregnant for 7 more weeks.
2. I delivered two beautiful healthy baby boys via c-section on January 20. It turned out that Baby B was not a frog.
3. We named them Oliver and Elliot.

Since I started this blog to not only keep track of my infertility journey but also to keep track of my growing children, I guess I should seriously start keeping track of my growing children.

Elliot Ray - "Baby A" - 5 lbs 9 oz at birth:
He is super fly chill guy. I'm 99% positive he's a pothead because he's so chill. He eats ah-mah-gawd slow, rarely cries, loves to listen to you talk, and pretty much just hangs out nice and relaxed. He is going to be our studious little professor with good grades and will probably work for NASA.

Oliver Oden - "Baby B" - 5 lbs 3 oz at birth:

He is OMG DRAMA! Everything with him is over-the-top. He cries loud, eats fast, breathes hard, kicks like crazy, and refuses to take any comfort from anyone. It's his party and he's gunna cry if he wants to! He was an animal in the womb and didn't come out any different! He's going to be our hellion who will be Evel Knievel-ing his motorcycle all over town. School? PFTH! Yeah right. We'll at least attempt to get him in NASCAR. As long as he's rich like his NASA brother and can buy us Mercedes, we are happy.



Jeepers, aren't they sweet? They really are great babies and life has been much easier than I ever anticipated with twins. I will attempt my hardest attempt to keep up with their development here. Right now they are just doing baby things but once they start doing back flips and techno dancing, I will post things.

OKBYE!

Babies, Nursery, and 30 Weeks...OH MY!

OH-MAH-GAWD I'm so far behind! I keep telling myself I need to post something but then I remember tthat there are only 3 people who read this blog and they already know everything but then I remind myself again that I truly started this blog to journal my journey. So here I go on a journaling rampage:

I'm 30 weeks. This is a huge deal to me. I feel like Captain Baby-Mamma America with my ass kicking uterine abilities. I can seriously grow some kids! Everything is going extremely well...which I know could change in an instant, so I'm cherishing this lovely time.

Nov 24: This is one way to hide an entire turkey

Besides the tiny evil elves that dwell in my back and like to stab me with sharp objects, I'm having little to complain about. Sure, I'm exhausted and toting around 32 pounds in my mid section is hard, but it's not something I feel like I have the right to moan about. I wanted this, asked for this, paid for this...there is no room for complaint here!

Oh, the babies, you ask? Well they are pretty awesome if I do say so myself. Weighing in at impressive 3 pounds, they enjoy pounding on my bladder, punching each other in the jaw, and tickling my digestive tract. Giggles.

Baby A: He's got moves like Jagger.

Baby B: Still possibly a frog

We are serioulsy ready for these pups. The nursery is done, the clothes are washed, and the swings are batteried. I will ask nicely that they remain situated for a few more weeks, but when they are ready, at least we know they will be ok!

The moose was a requirement from The Dude

And one more picture for giggles sakes:

KANKLES!!!



My babies are bananas: B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Week: 20 -- We're halfway there!

Babies: 10 Inches = Bananas!









Weight Gain: 15 pounds

Daily Caloric Intake: 2,000+

Daily Fluid Intake: 64+ ounces

Tummy: 36 Inches

Stretch Marks: None

Cravings: Sweets, like I will stab you in the eye if you have chocolate and don't share with me.

My non-attempt to stop the "advice" and comments

So now that I'm "Facebook Official" pregnant, everyone and their mothers decide to give me advice and/or comment on their unsureness of me carrying two children. Literally, some peoples mothers have commented on my Facebook. Here are some examples:


"I had a c-section and it was the best decision ever! You should tell your doctor that you want to have a c-section too!"

"I just don't see how you will hold two babies for much longer!"

"I know a friend of a friend of a friend who had twins and they did things this way or that way so you should do those things too because they are obviously right"


Why can't I just be socially inept and answer how ever the hell I want without consideration for other peoples feelings? But noooo, I have to be the nice person in the situation and say something witty and cute back instead of what I'm really thinking of, "EFF YOU!".

So instead of making myself out to be the asshole in real life, I've decided to move to this blog to throw out my real answers to these numbskulls:

Quasimodo: "I had a c-section and it was the best decision ever! You should tell your doctor that you want to have a c-section too!"
Me: "Besides your complete lack of privacy and social interaction skills, I have a lot of reasons I don't want to respond to you. First off, my birth decisions will not be made off the recommendations of another human. IF my doctor suggests a c-section AT THE TIME OF BIRTH, then I will, of course, opt-in for that. IF my doctor is comfortable with attempting a regular groan-and-push-then scream and push again delivery, then that will be my method of choice. Why would I choose to have a hole the size of the Mercury Way sliced into my abdomen and have my body parts laid on my stomach so they could rip my two cantalope sized babies out of me? Second off, well, there is no second off besides WTF would you think that's your business!?"

Rainman: "I just don't see how you will hold two babies for much longer!"
Me: "Well obviously you are completely uneducated on a womans body. And considering you are a woman, I find that sad and unacceptable. My uterus is no bigger or smaller than yours. Just because you or other women you know have a layer of fat in front of your uterus does not make you any more able to carry a child. My body will cope just fine and EXACTLY the same as every other pregnant womans body does. Dumbass.

Dopey: "I know a friend of a friend of a friend who had twins and they did things this way or that way so you should do those things too because they are obviously right"
Me: "That's such a great idea! I will treat my children exactly the same as your friends friends friend did and I bet my babies will love it soooo much! Maybe your friends friends friend should just videotape their lives so I can watch their every move and do whatever they do. Oh, you're right! I should buy all the products they did and use them even if they give my children hives because it worked for your friends friends friends kid so why wouldn't it work for mine!? THANK YOU FOR THIS LIFE SAVING ADVICE!!!" And then I would say, "Oh didn't I tell you it was hilarious sarcasm day?". And then I would probably finish off by saying, "Asshole".

See, I feel all better now. Sometimes I might find myself saying something to someones face that they will consider rude but I can just smile and move on knowing I can always use the, "I'm sorry, I'm just so cranky and emotional" excuse if there's ever a problem. Being pregnant seriously has it's benefits.

Big Adventures at 17 weeks

No worries, the ultrasound tech came out of our appointment un-scathed. Although they did make me wait FAR too long to hear the genders, we finally got the joyful news of, "They're both boys!". It was like angels singing in my ears. TWO BOYS!!!! That's what we were both hoping for and dreaming of....until I spent the weekend with my pigtailed, painted toed two year old neice. I won't get to fix anybody's hair or paint anybody's toes. Or pick out frilly cute dresses and shoes. *Sigh*
But seriously, I have two healthy growing boys and the word HEALTHY is all I really care about.

GASP! Oh yeah...I felt them move this weekend for the first time! I've been feeling flutters for a couple weeks now but this weekend it was an actual thump which I felt on the outside with my hand.

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

Who's the big fattie? I'M THE BIG FATTIE!!!

I am so proud of my ginormous bulging tummy!

I look at it, rub it, hold it, and pat it pretty much all hours of every day. I have never felt so beautiful in all my life! I know that sounds silly, but I have waited oh-mah-god so long for this so you can't blame me, right? The dude loves the belly too. He likes to examine it and makes me stand with my shirt up while cooking dinner or watching tv. So sweet, eh? I like him.

I have an appointment in two days to hopefully* find out the sexes. I am so flipping excited I can barely stand it. My entire work days are filled with baby thoughts. I might as well give up at life until Friday because I cannot cope with anything else right now.

*The word "Hopefully" in this sentance was used with the following definition: If the eff-ing ultrasound techs try to tell me they can't see the genitals of the babies, I will take the wand and shove it up their ass and tell them the gender of their intestines.

Funny tidbit: My boss has started calling them Mutt and Jeff. If it's two boys, that just might stick.