My babies are bananas: B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Week: 20 -- We're halfway there!

Babies: 10 Inches = Bananas!









Weight Gain: 15 pounds

Daily Caloric Intake: 2,000+

Daily Fluid Intake: 64+ ounces

Tummy: 36 Inches

Stretch Marks: None

Cravings: Sweets, like I will stab you in the eye if you have chocolate and don't share with me.

My non-attempt to stop the "advice" and comments

So now that I'm "Facebook Official" pregnant, everyone and their mothers decide to give me advice and/or comment on their unsureness of me carrying two children. Literally, some peoples mothers have commented on my Facebook. Here are some examples:


"I had a c-section and it was the best decision ever! You should tell your doctor that you want to have a c-section too!"

"I just don't see how you will hold two babies for much longer!"

"I know a friend of a friend of a friend who had twins and they did things this way or that way so you should do those things too because they are obviously right"


Why can't I just be socially inept and answer how ever the hell I want without consideration for other peoples feelings? But noooo, I have to be the nice person in the situation and say something witty and cute back instead of what I'm really thinking of, "EFF YOU!".

So instead of making myself out to be the asshole in real life, I've decided to move to this blog to throw out my real answers to these numbskulls:

Quasimodo: "I had a c-section and it was the best decision ever! You should tell your doctor that you want to have a c-section too!"
Me: "Besides your complete lack of privacy and social interaction skills, I have a lot of reasons I don't want to respond to you. First off, my birth decisions will not be made off the recommendations of another human. IF my doctor suggests a c-section AT THE TIME OF BIRTH, then I will, of course, opt-in for that. IF my doctor is comfortable with attempting a regular groan-and-push-then scream and push again delivery, then that will be my method of choice. Why would I choose to have a hole the size of the Mercury Way sliced into my abdomen and have my body parts laid on my stomach so they could rip my two cantalope sized babies out of me? Second off, well, there is no second off besides WTF would you think that's your business!?"

Rainman: "I just don't see how you will hold two babies for much longer!"
Me: "Well obviously you are completely uneducated on a womans body. And considering you are a woman, I find that sad and unacceptable. My uterus is no bigger or smaller than yours. Just because you or other women you know have a layer of fat in front of your uterus does not make you any more able to carry a child. My body will cope just fine and EXACTLY the same as every other pregnant womans body does. Dumbass.

Dopey: "I know a friend of a friend of a friend who had twins and they did things this way or that way so you should do those things too because they are obviously right"
Me: "That's such a great idea! I will treat my children exactly the same as your friends friends friend did and I bet my babies will love it soooo much! Maybe your friends friends friend should just videotape their lives so I can watch their every move and do whatever they do. Oh, you're right! I should buy all the products they did and use them even if they give my children hives because it worked for your friends friends friends kid so why wouldn't it work for mine!? THANK YOU FOR THIS LIFE SAVING ADVICE!!!" And then I would say, "Oh didn't I tell you it was hilarious sarcasm day?". And then I would probably finish off by saying, "Asshole".

See, I feel all better now. Sometimes I might find myself saying something to someones face that they will consider rude but I can just smile and move on knowing I can always use the, "I'm sorry, I'm just so cranky and emotional" excuse if there's ever a problem. Being pregnant seriously has it's benefits.

Big Adventures at 17 weeks

No worries, the ultrasound tech came out of our appointment un-scathed. Although they did make me wait FAR too long to hear the genders, we finally got the joyful news of, "They're both boys!". It was like angels singing in my ears. TWO BOYS!!!! That's what we were both hoping for and dreaming of....until I spent the weekend with my pigtailed, painted toed two year old neice. I won't get to fix anybody's hair or paint anybody's toes. Or pick out frilly cute dresses and shoes. *Sigh*
But seriously, I have two healthy growing boys and the word HEALTHY is all I really care about.

GASP! Oh yeah...I felt them move this weekend for the first time! I've been feeling flutters for a couple weeks now but this weekend it was an actual thump which I felt on the outside with my hand.

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

Who's the big fattie? I'M THE BIG FATTIE!!!

I am so proud of my ginormous bulging tummy!

I look at it, rub it, hold it, and pat it pretty much all hours of every day. I have never felt so beautiful in all my life! I know that sounds silly, but I have waited oh-mah-god so long for this so you can't blame me, right? The dude loves the belly too. He likes to examine it and makes me stand with my shirt up while cooking dinner or watching tv. So sweet, eh? I like him.

I have an appointment in two days to hopefully* find out the sexes. I am so flipping excited I can barely stand it. My entire work days are filled with baby thoughts. I might as well give up at life until Friday because I cannot cope with anything else right now.

*The word "Hopefully" in this sentance was used with the following definition: If the eff-ing ultrasound techs try to tell me they can't see the genitals of the babies, I will take the wand and shove it up their ass and tell them the gender of their intestines.

Funny tidbit: My boss has started calling them Mutt and Jeff. If it's two boys, that just might stick.

SECOND TRIMESTER!! Holy sh*t!

It's true. This is no joke. I am in the second trimester. It has never occured to me that this moment would actually happen. I mean, obviously I've known I was pregnant for the last 9 weeks, but I never allowed myself to imagine I would get to this point.

Both my babies are kicking ass and taking names and they don't appear to be the kind of fetuses that end their mission prematurely. They are both measuring a few days ahead and growing like steroid junkies. They have very different personalites already, although I don't know if it will stick. They've still got a lot of time to adjust their attitudes before mom has to do it for them.

BABY A: She's either lazy or extremely chill
   So I'm calling Baby A a girl right now. Don't get excited, we don't know yet. She's very laid back and actually allows the ultrasound tech to study her and hear her heartbeat.

BABY B: He's a circus monkey
   You get the picture: "she" and "he" are obviously what I'm hoping for. This little guy was extremely opposite of his sister. He was flailing his limbs and bopping his head around. He refused to participate in the ultrasound and made it impossible for anyone to hear his heart. Such a rotten little boy, right? We had a serious discussion afterwards about his attitude and cooperation during these appointments. We've got another ultrasound at 17 weeks and I swear he is going to cooperate so I can find out their sexes on that day or else he will be on dog poop duty from the day he is birthed. He pretended to care, but I don't feel like he was genuine at all.

Welp, there you go. An exciting update. Go ahead and send me gifts for making it to the phantom Second Trimester.

My Wee Babes Look Like Real Babes!

It's official...I am no longer carrying alien amphibian fetuses. THEY ARE REAL BABIES NOW!

[Insert cheers and applause here]

I am 9 weeks and the babies have officially graduated to fetuses. Last week they were merely embryos. *Sigh* They are growing up so fast.

Check out the change for yourself:

                    

They totally look like babies now, right?



9 weeks has been treating me good. I've felt much better the last few days and haven't had to take a nap in my car during work hours all week! That feels like a huge accomplishment. I've got to wait four, YES 4!, weeks for my next appointment which is crazy compared to the weekly pampering I've been receiving lately. The good thing I have to report is that I will most likely be getting an ultrasound at every visit. Most ladies only get two their entire pregnancy so I feel spoiled! My clinic doesn't do sex scans until 20 weeks and that feels like a millennium away...but don't worry, there will be some complaining and begging on my part to try and bump that a few weeks. I'm thinking 17 weeks would be acceptable.

Baby Pictures, get used to em'!

Ultrasound numero dos was on June 28. Both babes are looking great with strong heartbeats. I was considered 7 weeks 5 days and Baby A measured exactly that. Baby B measured 7w6d. These two are growing like wildfire, I tell you!