My troll husband gets to stab me, literally

I'm going to tell you a little story about some joyous injections containing Progesterone in Oil...and by joyous I mean a group of trolls having a luncheon of me while I was still alive, writhing in pain, would be MUCH better than Progesterone injections. Anyway, here's the story:

Once upon a time there was a woman who wanted babies so her husband stabbed a monstrous needle deep into the muscles of her butt every day. That's what she said. She started walking funny because the muscles hurt so bad from being brutally penetrated everyday. Ooo I can't help it, that's what she said. Anyway, sorry, the moral of the story is: THEY SUCK!

I wish I could add another troll analogy here but I feel like I've overdone my allowed troll usage for one day (I called my dude a troll earlier). GASP! I SHOULD DRAW A PICTURE OF A TROLL!

I got bored and started thinking about BABIES so I'm sorry about not providing a body.

Do you see what the "two week wait" does to us IVF'd women? You think having a baby inside you takes away all your abilities to think clearly? Psh. Try having two beautiful embryos placed inside your uncharted uterus and told to wait two weeks to know if you're own body ate them for breakfast. IT'S AWFUL! I have 5 more days. Expect more troll pictures.

Glorious Happiness

I know that a lot can happen in the next couple of days,
but I am allowing myself to feel pure joy for right now.
All four of my embryos fertilized and are multiplying. It
is completely possible that on Monday I will be pregnant.
I could finally hold my sweet baby(ies) in my arms in
November. It is SO nice to have this relief and these new
possibilities. Today, we celebrate. No matter what
happens next, this day is good and deserves
some recognition.

A Narrative Poem from Me to You...and some needle pictures

There was a doctor up north

From the town that we live

She told us that babies

Our bodies would not easily give

She gave us some tests,

Poked and prodded until we bled

Then she suggested we try IVF

And "YAY!", I got to be put on a bunch of meds

Now here I stand, needle in hand

Wondering where I'll get the courage to stab this thing through

"Quit being a baby", I tell myself,

"Or raising a kid is what you'll never get to do"

Don’t fret, I’ll give you all autographs when I’m famous.

The actual point of this post (besides the amazing poem) is to provide an explanation for all you curious cats who ask me a hundred questions about my suppression medications.

Fact 1: I am now administering a drug called Lupron to myself…and by “administering” I mean “stabbing a needle into my stomach”

Fact 2: I am also taking a low dose steroid, so don’t be all surprised when I end up looking like Popeye in a couple weeks

Fact 3: I have never had chicken pox.

What? You don't find that relevant to my baby drama? Well this is my blog and I can do what I want.

Hey! Check out these pictures of me stabbing myself in the stomach:

 Here, I am drawing up 10 units of Lupron

Here, I am stabbing myself in the stomach

Here, I am punching my dude in the stomach for not being more sympathetic about having to stab myself in the stomach**

**Important Tidbit: This is made up. The Dude is incredibly sympathetic and is actually the one who has to stab me because I'm too chicken to do it myself. I really did try today, though. I got the tip into the skin a little but couldn't gather enough courage to push hard enough to penetrate the skin. The students on "Grey's Anatomy" practice on each other, so I just need to convince a family member to let me practice on them. 

The Cost of a Non-Existent Baby

JIMINEE CHRISTMAS THESE PEOPLE MUST HAVE MAD COW DISEASE! Remember those times I made the statement of a “$10,000 test tube baby”? Well, ha, psh, that was wishful thinking, apparently. We had our IVF consult on Wednesday and BOOM they throw $25,500 out on the table…they need this money UP FRONT they say.

…

…

That was a moment of silence for our now hastily departing monetary gain we have accumulated over the years. All these years of saving was supposed to go towards our two month tour of Italy or new wood floors and a master bathroom renovation.  *Sigh*

With that being said, I’m still not complaining. I feel it is a good investment as the same amount was spent on my college education and my car. My firstborn is surely worth the same, possibly a little more, than my car, right?